Making an Impact

Being the Real Me in a Potentially Hostiel Environment.

I am a very interesting person. I have a very emotional inside surrounded by a very logical outside. Hence why I as a scientist who views himself to be like a poet. We both try to explain the world, I just do it with the language of Mathematics. I always feel like parts of me do not fit into different situations. I know that this sounds like a teenager, but part of it is and part of it is not. Yes I am usually hiding part of myself (aren’t we all), but I do know that I am accepted for all my oddities (thanks family, close friends, and Lisa). When people start to get to know each other on a deeper level, I feel comfortable letting these oddities out.

The question is what do I do when I first meet people? Or what do I do when I know that these people do not care about me on a personal level? My current life strategy is to only show the part of me that best matches them (I can usually find something) and then just hide the rest. I feel like this keeps me trapped in high school, but I don’t know what else to do.

All in all, I am asking this question because I want to make an impact in people’s lives. If I spend a significant amount of time with someone I want it to shape their lives. What is the point if you are with someone for a month or more but neither one of you are influences by the event? So my question: How do you impact someone who you are afraid of sharing your whole self with?

I do not think you can, or at least you can’t as deeply impact them. In order to influence someone you must become vulnerable and open. Even if you are in a potentially hostile environment, if you want to impact people’s lives you must open up to them. This is scary. But I have done scarier things. The new question is how do you become vulnerable when you’re scared? And I have no idea. Oh well, I guess I have have to learn through living.

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